Pregnancy

Lately several thoughts about my pregnancy started to cross my mind and I just want to get them in order. And while I’m writing this I have a feeling that even now I won’t be fully able to “catch” all those thoughts while they run around in my brain. It’ll probably turn out to become just a list of all different things…

Last week I received this box from my insurance company with some of the necessary “medical” things you need for a home birth and/or the days after giving birth. Of course it also contained something fun for the child itself (a toy box). Somehow that box of stuff woke me up and made me realize that this baby is coming quite soon. It’s really going to happen. There will be another tiny little child in our house. I will have to do this birthing thing again. We have to get things done and prepared! (even though my due date is august 31, so we still have enough time!)
But ever since last week I’m more focussed on my pregnancy and the upcoming birth. Like it’s going to happen next week! It’s almost scary…

In this past week we’ve been shopping quite a lot; Marc needed to get his Dutch soccer-t-shirt (the European Championship started yesterday) printed and it took some shopping to find a shop who’d do that. And every time we passed or visited a shop with children’s clothes or baby-stuff I hardly could resist myself from buying thingies. From feeding bottles to clothes, diapers and bathing supplies, you name it. These days I think everything is so handy and cute and fun and “necessary”. While we still have most of the stuff from when Lara was a newborn…

On the other hand I seriously think we need to stock up on some things, so Marc doesn’t have to get this once the baby is born and I’m in bed to recover. I’m talking about diapers, formula, hygienic towels and so on. When Lara was born we didn’t have all this in stock (just a bit), so it turned out Marc had to get more of it in those first few days. Which isn’t fun when you want to enjoy your new baby and take care of your wife. And now Lara is also around to take care of…
So I made a list (…) and will be buying things of it in the upcoming weeks. I just want to have that in control and out of my head. This also gives me the opportunity to keep my eyes open for sales on diapers and such.

The baby is pretty active in my tummy. I’ve been thinking about keeping track of the times when it’s that active; just to see if it’ll be the same once it’s born… So far I haven’t done that. Guess it will be too much work to write everything down.
One thing I noticed is that this baby doesn’t have the hiccups often, while Lara had it all the time. I think last night was the first time I noticed this repetitive same “plop” in my tummy.

That’s another thing which is keeping me busy; I think it’s natural to compare one pregnancy and one child with the other. That’s what I do all the time; see if I recognize things in this pregnancy from my pregnancy with Lara. And certain things are definitely the same. But on the other hand I know that this baby will be totally different from Lara. It’s a unique creature, with it’s own character. It’s different since it’s not our firstborn. Maybe it’s different because it’s a boy and not a girl (we don’t know yet; we keep it a surprise). So I’m starting to become more and more curious to this unique person; who are you, what are you like, what do you like and how will you respond to this world… It’s nice dreaming, fantasising and thinking about this.

I’m also wondering if I’ll be able to “do it better” this time. Starting with giving birth; Lara’s birth was fine, just 6 ½ hours, nothing wrong with that. But it took me some time (20 minutes) to push right once I was ready for it. That still nags me: I hated the feeling and the pain at that moment and I know now that the only way to get rid of it is to push right. So I don’t want to try pushing right for 20 minutes first before I get the thing right. I want to push effectively from the moment I’m ready!
The other thing is the days after the birth. Like I wrote in my blog about the newborn fog I have let people and situations cross my boundaries when Lara was born. Just to “be nice to others” and not be “high maintenance” (which I am not, but asking things for myself makes me feel like I am). I don’t want that anymore. I have been talking about this with Marc and he sees now what I’m talking about, although he hasn’t realized it back then. So he understands. I know now what I need and like (and dislike) and that should be a good start to have a better first week after giving birth.
And will I be able to be more relaxed on the feeding and sleeping of the baby. With Lara I was busybusybusy with getting her “on a schedule”. And I still believe it’s nice to get your baby on some kind of schedule, but it doesn’t have to be in those first days (weeks) and it’s not bad for a baby if it gets it’s food or sleep a bit earlier or later than what the schedule says… We’ll see if I can let go of that “control part”.

Wow, this is going to be a long blog… Well, if you’re still with me, I still have one thing to cover…

In her first year Lara has been attached to me quite strong. Even though I got back to work and Marc took care of her most of the day. Once I came into the picture again the only thing she wanted was me! A big compliment, but also heavy sometimes. And not always fun for Marc. I’ve been wondering if I had done something to create this situation myself. Have I been too protecting? Have I given in too soon when she started asking for me, while Marc of someone else was doing a great job with her? Have I sent out silent messages that has drawn her to me? In most cases I think now that I have done perfectly fine. I’ve been asking Marc what he thought about it and he also confirms I haven’t been “too much” doing anything.

So thinking about this new baby and musing over the question if I need to change something on this matter, I think the answer is “no”. So, when I feel I need to or my baby needs it I will hold it, comfort it, love it, carry it around (I can’t wait to use our baby carrier bag again; Lara has become to big for it just about 4 or 5 months ago). Too bad for people like the grandparents, aunts and uncles or other people wanting to hold my baby. When my baby asks for me, I will be there…

Yeah, just about 3 months to go and than all my dreams (with a realistic twist) will come true again!